I am
I am the sticky toffee pudding from our pub down the road
Where quiz nights meet the bright lights of my teenage nights
Constrained by towers of concrete history Mr. Barnett showed me.
I am the Summer Sierras of Northern California
Finding home in the dirt that taught me how to love
From the mountains to the marmots of the country I was raised to hate.
I am my childhood dinners of blini with sour cream
Where the Russian winters keeping me warm
Crashed down as the only reality I knew turned
to a whirlwind move into the future.
I am my struggle with mental health
Where control became calories and anxiety filled
My dreams with fears of failures and
I am not good enough.
I am the feet I land on when I fall
Into the depths of my first Alaskan winter
Where 14 miles turn into 18 breaths to keep
My calm as the cold encloses on my damp feet.
I am the voice I use to sing.
I am the hands I use to write.
I am the future I choose to change
I am my past, my present, always looking for my next adventure.
